Missing You

Missing You

by John E Firhill 
 
 
 

Missing, longing, waiting, yearning
Waves of passion gushing, churning
Minutes, hours, daylight burning 
Unforseen emotions stirring

Moments fleeting, memories flashing
pain increasing, never ceasing
Skin a'tingling, fear of failing
Heart with anguish now is ailing    
   
Hungering, thirsting for your touching
Lacking closeness, pillow clutching
Soul on fire, dawn encroaching
Tomorrow's coming, relief approaching!

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How to Build Better Boundaries in Your Marriage?

How to Build Better Boundaries in Your Marriage?


Imagine the following scenario: A husband and wife are in a session with their therapist. She says that he’s always angry with her and makes mean comments. When the therapist asks her husband why he’s constantly mad, he replies that it’s because his wife tries to control him.

According to the wife, she tries to exert control because her husband doesn’t give her any time or attention. He says that’s because she’s always nagging him. She says she nags because he won’t do anything she wants.

It’s a prime illustration of not taking responsibility for your own actions, attitudes, thoughts or feelings. And that’s where boundaries come in.

The above example comes from the book Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices that Make or Break Loving Relationships by psychologists Henry Cloud, Ph.D, and John Townsend, Ph.D.

 Boundaries Are About You

When you have clear boundaries, you know where you end and your partner begins, according to Cloud and Townsend. You also know that you’re not at the mercy of your spouse’s behavior or their problems.

Boundaries are really about you.
“When you build a fence around your yard, you do not build it to figure out the boundaries of your neighbor’s yard so that you can dictate to him how he is to behave. You build it around your own yard so that you can maintain control of what happens to your own property,” according to the authors.

That’s also how personal boundaries work. You can’t control how your spouse speaks to you. But you can control how you behave when they speak to you in that way. For instance, if they start yelling or calling you names, you can hang up the phone or leave the room.

In other words, you determine what you will and won’t tolerate or be exposed to. And you set consequences. Another example is eating dinner by yourself when your spouse is late, again. Other consequences may be more severe, such as separating.

Boundaries also may include emotional distance, such as: “When you can be kind, we can be close again,” or “When you show you are serious about getting some help, I will feel safe enough to open up to you again.”

Setting Boundaries with Yourself

It’s also important to set boundaries with yourself (i.e., not trying to change your spouse but focusing on changing yourself).

In the book Cloud and Townsend include an example of a husband who was regularly late for dinner with his wife and kids. His wife tried cajoling and nagging him to come home earlier.

But he only got defensive or told her she was overreacting. After a while, she decided to change her attitude and actions: She was going to be less angry about his lateness and more caring; and if he was going to be late, she’d eat dinner with the kids and put his food in the fridge.

She talked to her husband about her plan. He wasn’t happy about eating microwaved dinners, but she said he was welcome to rearrange his schedule to eat when the family did.

After a few days of eating many microwaved meals, he started coming home on time. He said it was because his wife was a whole lot nicer to him, so he wanted to be home – and he really hated reheating his dinner.

The Concept of “You Are not Me”

According to Cloud and Townsend, another key part of boundaries is the idea of “you are not me.” Your spouse isn’t an extension of you, and they’re not here exclusively to meet your needs.

Love breaks down when we don’t see our spouses as people but as “objects of our own needs.” This also means that when your spouse comes to you and reveals how they’re feeling – say about not feeling close to you – you don’t interpret it as an accusation and get defensive. Rather, you empathize.

“To have good boundaries is to be separate enough from the other person that you can allow her to have her own experience without reacting with your own. Such a clear stance of separateness allows you not to react, but to care and empathize.”

This also includes respecting each other’s differences – even when you don’t like them. Cloud and Townsend share the story of a husband who didn’t want to attend the same church as his wife, because he just couldn’t connect to the service. She viewed this as an affront, and believed that if he truly loved her, he would go.

Boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships. They give partners the opportunity to grow as individuals and as a couple.

Source : http://psychcentral.com

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Four Reasons Why People Settle for Bad Relationships

Four Reasons Why People Settle for Bad Relationships

 Why do people settle for the wrong relationship partner?

It’s proven. People do settle. In fact, in one survey of 6,000 men, 31% of them openly admitted that they would settle for someone they didn’t love. And 21% even claimed they’d partner up with someone they found unattractive.

How many additional people settle, but would never admit it? How many people knew they were with the wrong person, even as they walked down the aisle?

Diving into this question takes us straight down the path toward the deeper issues in life, so let’s get to it. Here are four reasons why people settle, according to experience and research.

1. People settle due to fear of being alone.

A recently published study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has found that fear of being single is a major predictor of settling for bad relationships. According to lead author Stephanie Spielmann, people who have stronger fears about being single tend to be willing to settle for less in their relationships.

This may lead them to stay in relationships that they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they may choose to date people who are not good for them. In fact, people’s anxiety about being single plays a key role in these and other types of unhealthy relationship behaviors.

The researchers from the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology surveyed samples of adults from across Canada and the U.S., including University of Toronto undergraduates. The samples covered both men and women across a wide range of ages.

The study found that both men and women experienced the same concern and anxieties about being single, and that these feelings create similar behaviors. This directly contradicts the popular stereotype that only women experience a fear of being single.

Loneliness is a painful experience regardless of gender; and according to Professor Geoff MacDonald of the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology, fear of being single does not discriminate on basis of gender.

2. People settle because they don’t know how to create solid relationships.

Psychotherapist Jake Eagle, co-author of the Dating, Relating and Mating online educational program, claims that most people get the dating, relating and mating process all wrong.
In essence, we:
• Don’t date enough people before committing to one.
• Share intimate information too readily early in the dating process (missing the chance to just have fun together and establish a friendship).
• Have sex too soon.
• Get married first, then attempt to solve problems in the relationship.
• Don’t measure compatibility in terms of values, life dreams, communication styles and often chemistry.
• Are unwilling to end a relationship that clearly doesn’t work because they are driven by unresolved psychological issues.
When you don’t date around, become intimate before you know the character of the person you are with, get married before you’ve had adequate time to learn to solve problems, then you are set up for failure.
Given that so few people fully understand the rigors of creating a relationship intentionally, many may settle because – well – they simply give up trying to figure out how it is supposed to work.

3. People settle due to external pressures.

• Mom and dad expect you to marry and have their grandchildren. They approve of the person you are with now, so….you just do it.
• Mom and dad HATE the person you are with and this appeals to your rebelliousness, so you just do it!
• You need a way to support yourself and your partner makes good money.
• All your friends are getting married and you want to attend the barbecues.
• And so on.

4. People settle due to the compelling nature of self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is rarely discussed in relation to choosing a romantic partner. However, once you understand self-sabotage, this is a hard one to ignore.

It’s safe to say that people regularly engage in relationships with others in which they feel chronically rejected, controlled or deprived of their needs. It is also safe to say (in many cases) that people experience the rejection, control and deprivation before they show up at the altar.

Why would someone marry another person that dishes out such psychological angst? According to psychiatrist Edmund Bergler, MD, a colleague of Freud’s, it is because we learned long ago to find familiarity or even pleasure (unconsciously) in these painful experiences.

The psychological community was shocked that Bergler would suggest that at some level we are seeking a familiar pain when making ill-fated decisions, but Freud agreed with Bergler and began to write about psychic masochism prior to his death.

Seeking an old, familiar pain that you can’t seem to shake, regardless of how consciously frustrating and depressing it is? A bad relationship fits the bill perfectly.

Source : www.psychcentral.com

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A Silent Love

A Silent Love

by   Anonymous 
 
 

How can you deny me,
Something that is so true?
Our friendship is worth the world to me,
But my dream is to be close to you.

We support each other endlessly,
Giving hope through thick and thin.
But my heart bleeds constantly to be near to you,
Whispering the word, When?

I gave you a path to my heart,
And on it you certainly found your way.
Now lying in my spirit,
I dream of us everyday.

And it’s the mystery that lies within you,
Your soul I wish to be near.
But as for now I will continue loving you,
Quietly remaining here...

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Another Dream

Another Dream

by   ITSme 
 
 

Last night I saw you in my dream
  and you were going away
I didn't get to say good-bye
  or even get to say...
The things I would have liked to..
  or tell you that I care
I guess it didn't matter much
  'cuz you never were aware..
That I even loved you
  within this time and space...
But, in my dream it was a different time
  and it was a different place

You were gone so long and I
  never knew where you were
But, then one day the phone rang, and
  you said, "Hi, It's me, I'm here"
I asked, "who is this?" and you said
  "yes, it's really me...
Just look outside your window..
  take a look and see."
There you were... just standing there
  a smile upon your face
I couldn't believe you were there
  right outside my place

I didn't say a word 
  but, I slowly put down the phone...
And anxiously walked over to you
  and then we were alone
Your arms around me holding tight,
  holding me so near
I couldn't believe this was happening
  then you whispered in my ear
You said you've always loved me 
  and forever you'd be here.
And then I woke up crying
  my pillow... wet from tears

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Your Mirror

YOUR MIRROR

by LEIDY   CARBONELL 
 
 
 

Look into my eyes, I want to be your mirror. 
You see yourself serious 
  And I can't think of a better comedian. 
You see yourself- not romantic 
  And I don't think a poet could express with words 
  Or a painter thru paint how you make me feel. 

You think your smile is not cute, 
  And I loved it since the first time I saw you. 
You think your eyes are not special 
  And I can't think of any sweeter look. 
You think your face is not beautiful, 
  And, yet, it is the only one I love looking at 
  every time I have a chance. 

You see yourself as a normal guy, 
  I haven't seen a person as wonderful as you yet.
I know that when you hear something more than twice 
  You start to believe. 
If it is necessary I would spent my whole life telling you this. 
  I love you and is impossible for you to be better 
  ...because, to me, you are prefect

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Holding You

Holding You

by Adam L Klein 
 
 

Being next to you is where I love to be,
It takes away my worries and sets my heart free.
When I hold you in my arms nothing can compare,
I look into your eyes and I cannot help but stare.
 
 And, stare I do, at your beautiful face,
It makes my heart beat at a truly amazing pace.
When I touch your face I begin to shine,
It's then that I realize you are mine.
 
 It's in your arms I feel no fear,
It's in your arms my thoughts are clear.
Clear, that in my arms I hold a treasure,
A gift from God that I cannot measure.

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Distance Can't Keep Us Apart

Distance Can't Keep Us Apart

by GurLie  Cagomoc 
 
 

Even though we're far apart
Our love and happiness is near in our heart.
We can be hundreds of miles away
Or even thousands of miles away
It doesn't matter 
Because we'll be together through our hearts. 
Far apart or near together
What we share is something that can't be broken. 
 
No matter where you may be
I will be there, all you have to do is think of me
And we'll be together closer than ever.
And when I want to think of you
All I do is close my eyes and dream of you and me. 
 
Through our dreams we will find happiness
When we find happiness we find each other.
When we think we can't find love
Because we're not close together,
Just think of all the love we have for one another
And think of the many days that will come 
When we will be together one on one. 
 
Thinking of us being together
I know you'll find love and happiness.
With the love we share
Nothing, not even distance, can keep us apart.
The stronger our love, the closer we'll be.
Love is what keeps us together always and forever.
And even though we're far apart
We'll always be connected heart to heart. 
Distance is never a problem 
Because distance can't ever keep us apart.

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To the Man I Love

To the Man I Love

by LaToi  Davis 
 
 

The night I met you I knew
I never wanted to lose you.
So I followed my heart and soul
And fell in love with all you do.

The way your big, brown eyes
Seem to see straight inside of me
I get lost, I'm mesmerized
But there's no place else I'd rather be.

The way I feel when your lips touch mine
You take my breath away.
I cherish every second I am with you
But there's never enough time in a day.

The way you hold me in your arms
I can feel your heart beating next to mine
I melt into you when you whisper in my ear
That we'll make it; that we'll be just fine.

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Ever Since The Day We Met

Ever Since The Day We Met

by   Cheryl Ann 
 
 
 

Ever since the day we met 
I've known within my heart
our love is something special
I've felt it from the start.

Each and every day since then
I've dreamed of you each night.
I feel the love inside me grow
and long to hold you tight.

When I look into your eyes
I sense you feel it, too.
Our hearts have found each other
this love of ours is pure and true.

You are my soul mate, sweetheart,
you are my dream come true;
From now until the day I die
all my love I give to you.

Now that we are together
I know we'll never part;
The distance may divide us
but you're always in my heart.

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The Way You Make Me Feel

The Way You Make Me Feel

by Bahar  Tabatabai 
 
 

No one makes me feel 
the way you do
the way you make me go crazy 
just looking at you

i've never been so in love 
with someone so sweet
never fallen so far
or in so deep

when you put your arms around me
i feel protected and safe
and no one in the world
can ever take your place

i love when we hug
and even more when we kiss
i dunno how i'm gonna survive when i'm away
with someone like you to miss

i think of you every second 
every minute, every day
and you know i care about you
in every possible way

you can always count on me
when you're feeling down and low
you can open your heart to me
and let your feelings show

because nothing about you
would ever make me run away
and everything about you
makes me want to stay

i promise to never leave you
and i know i'll never have a reason
because you love me
with the deepest of meaning

so know now
that i'm here for you
and know forever
that i will always love you

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I won't hurt you

i won't hurt you

by DIanah K. C. 
 
 
 

you're the only one i want 
and you always make me smile
i care so much about you
you make my life worthwhile

baby, please don't be afraid
i won't ever ever hurt you
that's a promise i know i'll keep
cause that's something i could never do

i know that you've been hurt before
honey, i have, too
but i'm not like her 
i just couldn't do that to you

i want you to know i care 
and i'll wait as long as you need
maybe that will help you see
exactly how much you mean to me.


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You Changed My World

You Changed My World
by Kimberly Lynn Albrecht 
 
 
 

At times the days seemed so long, I thought I'd never make it through,
Then suddenly, out of a dream, I have met someone like you. 
I had locked up all my feelings and I'd thrown away the key,
Until your heart spoke a thousand words I knew were meant to be.
When times turned rough and lonely, and despair fell upon my face,
You comforted me and kept me safe in that loving special place.

You don't realize what you have and what you've done for me,
But the way you managed to steal my heart is what has set me free.
You've given me a feeling that no one else could ever change,
Your love has touched a place in me that I always found so strange.
It's as if you were cut right out of a spell cast upon my heart,
Because the crazy thing about it is, I've loved you from the start.

No one in this wide world could touch the feelings we share;
To the seconds I spend with you, nothing can compare.
You've opened my eyes and heart just enough and let me live,
You've changed my world with magic and the kindness that you give.
My heart was broken, and I thought love was so far away,
But you came into my life and showed me a better day.

Like crystal clear blue waters or a magical sunset,
That moment speaks a thousand words to which no price can be met.
I wish I could just stop time and spend the whole night in your eyes,
For when I'm with you there's a feeling even I cannot describe.
Although my heart holds painful memories that will never be erased,
You touch me with a love so strong it hides that lonely place.

Heartbreak, loss and misery were all I ever knew,
Until someone showed me happiness and that someone was you.
Your gentle words and loving arms lift me up when I am down,
And, baby, with all you've done for me you've turned my world around.
Your love is so consistent, like the waves that break on shore,
And with every day my love for you still grows, just more and more.

When broken dreams still fill my days and nothing's going right,
You reassure me with your smile and give me back my sight.
You sweep a spell across my heart, like a breeze across the sea,
And you fill my world with beautiful dreams & feelings meant to be.
The way you live, the way you love and even so much more,
With every smile that you give, you're all I could ask for.

You are in every breath I take and in every tear I cry,
You're in every star I wish upon up in the lonely sky.
Every day with you is heaven, like an angel from above,
A million magic moments sent- to give you all my love.
You are living proof that prayers and dreams really do come true,
And I thank God for that special day he blessed my heart with you.

I could speak of a thousand promises or even bet my very soul,
the rest of my life, I'll be touched with a feeling no one can control.
Fate, destiny or magic may be the reason that we met,
But all I know is the days with you I never will forget.
Until the day I found you I never knew a love so true,
But from today until eternity I swear I'll be loving you!
      

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You Make Me Happy

You Make Me Happy

by Jesse DeLance Sutton
 
 
 

You came into my life
At a time I needed someone
To hold me in the darkest
Hours.
You capture my heart
With all the glory
Of love’s power.
I was like a sailor
That was lost at sea.
You came into my life at the darkest
Moment and rescued me.


I look back and wonder how
Did I get this far without
Your love.?
When we are together, you make my heart sing,
And I feel like I am on top of
The world.
Now I can tell you that in my life
Nothing remains the same.
When I look into those
Beautiful eyes I can see this love lasting for
An eternity.
I know from the little time
That we have been together that 
you were made for me.


You have made me happy
Beyond all means.
I can’t forget 
what the joy of
Being with you brings.
Before you came, my tears in the midnight hour
Flowed like the mid summer rain.


I was so lonely and needed
Someone that would love me
And hold me in her loving 
Arms.
Before I met you, everyday was the
Saddest days of my life.
Now with you, I now have someone to help
Me through life darkest storms.
With you in my life I 
Feel ten feet tall and am riding
So high.


I never thought that love could
Bring so much joy
Into my life.
The feeling that I feel when I am 
With you, makes my spirit feel so
High.
I will love and cherish you
And the happiness you brought
Into my life until the day I die.


You have made me so happy,
I cannot find words to explain just
How good you make me feel.
I will give you the best of my 
Love and so much more as
Long as I shall live.
Together as we stand and repeat our
Vows of love.
We will be a living testimony of
What true love does.


My vows to you will be true and my love
For you will be forever.
I will always be there for you
And to leave you in the future, 
I will never.
I will hold and cherish you and give
You all the love your heart
Can stand.
For baby, you have made this
Guy a very happy man.


I love you my beautiful lady that
Came into my life just
In the nick of time.
Today, tomorrow and forever
You will always be mine.
And I will love you until
Time is no more.
You are the one that I will forever
Adore, and I will hold you close to my
Heart and I will never let you go.
For you and I will be together as one as long
As we shall live.
And to you all that I have I will gladly give.
Thanks my love for making
Me the happiest man in the world.

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